Rapture
by ImpassionedWriter
Summary: Let us delve briefly into the minds of our beloved Supernatural couple :) The all too familiar underlying feelings of the two men we all know and love. -Destiel
1. Dean

_I know I haven't updated for a while- But don't worry! I haven't forgotten you! I've been extremely busy with my first job :D Plus I got my second piercings Monday and I'm so ecstatic about it! Anywho, I should be getting you guys a lot more soon, so stay tuned ;D_

_And Countess Impossible, as always, this fic is for you :) My most precious friend!_

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There had always been something about Castiel, something unidentifiable, that drew Dean to him. It was a curiousity that beckoned him closer; a kind of magnetism pulling them toward each other, physically as well as emotionally. It had always been so, even in the beginning. Before Dean knew his saviour's name, or that he was an angel in the Almighty's army, he was already tied to him; in a way more profound than any human could ever understand.

He bore the angel's handprint in his skin; a touch that had been burned into his very soul and fused in the fibers of his being with heavenly grace. His existing form had been revived by God's command, and his soul fished out of the dark and decay of Hell by the fearless soldier. Pulled from the deepest recesses of repression and torment, mended with steady care and watchful eyes, and restored to his life on Earth.

There was so much that he owed to Castiel. The stunning angel was unfailing with his assistance; whether it came to providing them with information or healing their wounds with a touch of his hand. He was always there. Dean's very own life was credited to him.

So why did Castiel never request remuneration? He rarely batted an eye each time Dean asked for something. never once did he breathe a word about taking anything in return.

And while this might have been cause for worry for anyone else, Dean let it slide _because_ it was Castiel. He trusted him completely not to blackmail them or use what they owed as leverage. Still, the hunter knew it was selfish to accept the aid without offering any kind of repayment. ...But maybe he let it go because, deep down, he wanted to remain in debt to him. Because then he would always have something the angel wanted. It was a way to stay connected to him if something ever came between them.

That in itself was probably a twisted way of looking at things. Why would he even want to keep ties with Castiel in the event of their friendship being broken?

Perhaps it was because their interest in each other went beyond mere friendship. Even Dean would have to admit that when those crystal light eyes were aimed at him he could count on a restless night. He even found himself thinking about what it would be like to be _with_ Castiel.

Of course, he had slept with an angel before. Anna, the cunning bitch that attempted to change the course of their lives by going back to the past and trying to murder his parents. But, you could be sure that making love to a 'female' angel would be different than with a 'male'.

Angels... They were powerful. A barely restrained force that could change from passive silence to vengeful wrath in a split second. They were pure power with all the burning energy and searing heat of the sun, barely containable in their human vessel.

And vessels... _Castiel's vessel_... He most certainly had an attractive one. With a head full of thick pitch-black hair, a firm but lean body, and a face that looked like it had been made to represent an angel. But it was more than that. Even beyond his looks, there was a spirit of beauty; the definite aura of an ethereal presence. It was something that could be seen without making a single mark on the real, the tangible form of the man known as James Novak. But when Castiel had been recalled to Heaven, Dean had _seen _the change. He could tell the difference just by looking in the other man's eyes.

With Castiel, there was a brightness in those blue depths that shone with an innocent kind of wonder, just like when they first met. Deep crystalline pools radiating the holy essence of life with clear intensity. The eyes that watched over Dean in his dreams and seemed to be able to slip past his walls and strike right into his heart. Somehow, it was comforting knowing that it was Castiel gazing at him from those dark lashes. The hunter always felt more secure when he was near the angel; seeing Cas smile made him almost giddy with unexplainable joy.

It was happiness. Complete and utter contentment. Yes, the world was usually balancing on the brink of destruction, and it felt like literally _everyone _was trying to make Sam and Dean pawns in their sick games...

But with Castiel all of that melted away. The rest of the world could go up in flames and Dean would gleefully hold on to the angel while it all burned down around them.

It _was _more than friendship; even if he was the only one who felt that. But he didn't need to tell anyone. Things were perfect now just the way they were. Maybe someday their relationship could be different; better even.

But for now... It was okay to continue the way they were.

Dean was happy.


	2. Castiel

_The previous part got a lot of attention, being what it was. So because you asked so nicely I present to you Castiel's version of the story ;) And just how he feels about this... 'situation' they've unknowingly stumbled into._

_As far as dedications go, I will let this go with a simple 'To Dean, Castiel, Jenson, and Misha. Thank you for the beautiful heart breaking scenes and communicating your love the only way you can... With shameless eye sex. Again, thank you!' And we move on... :)_

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**Castiel's POV:**

To Castiel, Dean was intriguing. Handsome, capable, upstanding; almost perfect. There was nothing he wouldn't do for the hunter.

It wasn't something that could be easily explained; even by Heaven's soldier. Human words were far too limited for that.

But as for emotions... If he could use his grace to reach out to the hunter's soul, he might be able to give Dean a taste of the feelings that ravaged the angel's heart increasingly more often. It might even be something that was not unfamiliar to the humans; and Dean might shed a little light on the meaning for him.

That would be great.

Because right now the angel was confused. Was this a normal human emotion; something he had picked up from his time among them? Was this the meaning of friendship? And were there different distinctions to it? For all Castiel knew, the term 'friendship' extended to include all of the people he liked, who liked him back. There _was_ no difference from one person to the next.

So why did he sometimes feel the urge to kiss Dean and not Sam? It was an uncontrollable desire to be closer to him.

Was that just friendship? Stronger for the older brother because he had been Castiel's _first_ friend? Because he'd had a hand in rebuilding Dean from the bare atoms up; he felt closer to him than any of the others? He knew they had a bond, but did that bond entail wishing to spend every moment by the hunter's side?

The answers were welcome any time. Because as far as Castiel was concerned, the conflictions to protect, to ravage, to cherish, to consume, were so close to maddening he didn't know how humans managed day to day life with the smallest shred of respect for each other or themselves. Or how they maintained any semblance of stability.

Perhaps this is what Dean meant when he told Castiel, "Everyone just wants to be normal." At the time, Cas hadn't understood. Were not all humans brought into the world the same way? Raised, and set on their path, until the day they died. Wasn't that 'normal'?

But, maybe it was more than that.

Maybe it had less to do with the course of life and more to do with the heart of the person living that life. So alike on the outside, were humans really different from each other on the inside? The same struggles, the same trials, the same urging to stray; all humans experienced these trials of substance. He had witnessed countless in tears and laughter; including Dean.

But Dean was different. Castiel had never known anyone like him. The sheer strength it took to get out of bed every morning and carry the weight of everything he lived with; every sin, every emotional scar. It was truly impressive.

Now that Castiel had his own inner demons, he began to wonder if being an angel in this case meant anything at all. Dean had sins; his life was practically the professional guide to backsliding. Yet, he was a good person; Castiel had seen his soul, he knew. But, even with all those many millennia as a soldier for God, Castiel was literally at the breaking point. Oh, how he longed for those days in the Lord's army, when everything was simple. Emotions didn't matter as long as you did what you were told. It was just pure, dignified righteousness.

Here, on Earth, he was filthy, tired, and being put to the test. Even the iron will of an angel couldn't keep those thoughts from dancing around in his head. Completely forbidden hopes dug their way into his heart and lodged there, threatening to break him when he tried to dissuade their likelihood.

Without his permission, his body would react to Dean's closeness, sending his heart rate soaring and dampening his palms with sweat. With a pang of conviction, Castiel knew he would never be able to refuse Dean anything he desired.

So, he accepted it as the truth, in order to overcome this weakness. As an angel, he knew that you couldn't withstand something you refute. But that human part, the one he just could _not_ get used to, reacted differently when he acknowledged his feelings and sent his longing into overdrive.

Impatience, lust, affection, fear, jealousy, possessiveness, insecurity, and the sorrow of loneliness. He knew the concept of these emotions very well. But, somehow, it was different to experience them.

It might have been because he had never felt such things before, that they seemed to be almost overwhelming. The intensity was staggering. After everything he had been through, his will was being broken by something that wasn't even tangible!

Why other angels would give up their grace for this?

Yes, it was intoxicating to know happiness, relief, victory, on this level. But was it worth it for the fear, hatred, and grief? And if that grief was tied to Dean... the apprehension of that circumstance was nearly enough to drive him back to the cold, isolation of Heaven.

Could it be that he just hadn't experienced the swaying delights yet? Maybe there was something he hadn't discovered, hadn't experienced, yet.

But... maybe what he was really afraid of was the moment he learned what was missing? When he would be tempted, like previous others, to want to leave and assume a life on Earth. A day would inevitably come when he would rebel, if he stayed with Dean. It was an unavoidable fate. He had to retreat at some point; put some much needed distance between them and recover his senses.

But not yet. He couldn't. They needed him.

And as much as he didn't want to admit, to himself more than anyone... He needed them, too. And deep down he knew that there was no way he would be able to leave them before it was too late. That unavoidable fate was coming, and he would face it head-on. For Dean.

Always... He would do anything,

For Dean.


End file.
